The halcyon days of air travel (Braniff Airways, sofa-sized seating, dense clouds of cigar smoke) have long since departed. Nowadays a cross country flight ranks right up there with a root canal. Recent attempts by airlines such as Jet Blue to improve the passenger's lot have produced minor improvements, though the majority of flights still offer bovine-quality experiences.
Now an enterprising business traveler, Rich Moran, has produced his own business traveler's Bill Of Rights. We at Sneaky Business suffer the indignities of red eyes and long hauls all too frequently. We believe the Bill has ample merit, and urge each of you to bring the item to the attention of your local Congressman:
- Reclining seats should be illegal. At least, there should be a sensor so that if you have your laptop on the tray the sensor will not allow the seat in front of you to recline.
- Any business trip that involves the words tram, train, people mover or shuttle should receive extra credit in the frequent flyer department.
- Bags of nuts, the free ones that are distributed, should contain no garlic. Every little bit helps when you arrive home later than promised.
- All lavatories should have timers. After a certain amount of time the offending occupant should get sprayed with blue water.
- Snoring alarms should be installed near the flight attendant call button. When snoring occurs the oxygen masks will drop. Put it over the muzzle of the snorer.
- Discount coupons should be provided if the person next to you requires a seat belt extender. A double discount if the people on both sides of you require extenders.
- A "Working Section" should be provided on every airplane. Like the old smoking sections, this should be a place where laptops plug in and there is a printer somewhere by the lavatories.
- Any time a flight is late the airline should call your boss to tell them how you have suffered.
- No hanging around at counters allowed. Especially over by the side where the jerk thinks if he schmoozes the gate agent he will get the upgrade, and not you.
- Any traveler with over a million miles should be guaranteed a space for any carry-on bag.
- If the flight attendant knows your name because you fly so much, you should fly for free.
- After 2 million miles, the airlines should provide all drinks for free. If you are already in business or first class, they should give you little bottles to take home with you.
[The full article can be found here at NPR.org]